“I Cried My Last Cry”

When I’m discouraged about a relationship that didn’t work, sometimes I usually blame myself, but today my God gave me revelation. When I was being played and used by these men, I thought I was being a fool, and blamed myself for being so stupid. I played the song in my mind: “You Made A Fool Of Me” by Me’ Shell Ndegeocello then I looked the song up on YouTube and that in itself made me feel even worse, but at the same time it woke me up because it showed me myself in a greater way.

These are the words to the song that I lived not once but several times.

….I remember when you filled my heart with joy, was I blind to the truth just there to fill the space 'cause now you have no interest in anything that I have to say. And I've allowed you to make me feel, I feel so dumb. What kind of fool am I?

You so easily set me, aside.

You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care but we made love Tell me why

You made a fool of me You made a fool of me

I want to kiss you. Does she want you with the pain that I do? Smell you in my dreams.

But now when we're face to face, you won't look me in the eye. No time, no friendship, no love. You say don't touch you, I can't touch you no more. Can't touch you, anymore. Anymore...

You made a fool of me Tell me why You say that you don't care but we made love Tell me why

You made a fool of me You made a fool of me

Tell me why When I finished listening to the words to the song, I cried again and my Father, my Daddy said to me, you are clothed with the Wardrobe of a Virtuous Woman of Noble Character, you not only build up men in your life, but you build people up as I your Lord has created and taught you to do. No you are not a fool nor are you stupid, you only do what you were created to do from the very foundation of this world.

I’m getting ready to bring in your life a new set of people that will see the purity of your heart, a set of people that has been through the same journey you have been on and has weathered the storm and came out pure as gold.

I will also put a love in your life that will love you as I love him. He will know who you are at the very sight of his eyes glancing at the very sight of his view of you.

Then God showed me the women I admired and respect, my Mother Betty Walker, my Grandmother Marie White, Vicki Embry, Eula Leonard, Cora Anderson, Mary Jackson, Vanessa Long, Tanesha Butler, Lydia Pitt, Serita Jakes, Eileen Henderson, Penny Hakeem, Marina Mclean and I’m adding my New Mom, a Woman of Wisdom, Ashanti Taruvinga Branson; just to name a few here on earth. I watched and followed their lives over the years and seen how their faith worked for them and how they stood by their man even through the storm, and God showed out on these women behalf and today most of them are living in the overflow of their harvest, they are reaping their harvest of what they have sown and what God has sown in their lives, as the Virtuous Women they chose to become.

My mother and grandmother has gone on to be with the Lord, but their lives was filled with the richness of God’s Love while they were here on earth and I am so happy to have had such wonderful and strong women in my life.

I have walked this journey of loneliness for so long that I thought I was the cause of me getting physical abused in my child life. This abuse followed my life for a very long time into my adulthood. I had to look and examine myself so that I could take note of my life; past present and future. It’s up to me now how I fit in my own world and who I allow to come into my world.

I know now that it was not my fault what happened to me in my past but I can in my future choose how I handle things differently in my Now and Future life.

What tried to kill, stead and destroy my past helped me to live more abundantly in my present and future.

I chose to revisit and deal with my past so that I could have a future.

I dismissed this generational habit from my life and never again will I allow it to come in and take residency over my life.

What tried to destroy me has made me strong because I had a God that remained faithful in my life even when I didn’t have a personal relationship with Him. I only knew of Him because my grandmother made sure that we went to Sunday school and Church every Sunday And that in itself cause me to have God as my own personal friend even when I didn’t know the real meaning of who God was in my life, but He knew.

Now I live in “The Secret Place” where God’s Plan for my life is Yes and Amen!

I love God so much, He is so amazing to me Yes He Is!

God is my King, my Love my Everything!!!